When I was around eight years old I was laying in my mom’s bedroom since she had the largest and most comfortable bed in the house. We had just got home from seeing Ghostbusters 2, and I was getting sleepy. In my state of mind, as plain as day I could have swore I saw Slimer coming from my mom’s bathroom at me. I tried to scream but I could not. Pinned with terror I simply waited for the vision to go away, dreadfully fearful of a possible tentacle ravishing or even more so perhaps of a possible sliming afterward, and there was no guarantee that it would be the green kind of slime. Here’s the thing about that, I could have swore Slimer was really there. It was obviously my imagination/sleepy state but there are people, lots of people actually, who take things they see in a moment of say, sleep paralysis and believe it was real. Another good example of this was one night in my old apartment where I started falling asleep but woke up mentally but not physically, so that my body was lying prone due to the aforementioned sleep paralysis and I hallucinated that a ghostly woman was coming out my closest at me and making my body cold. When I finally managed to get my ex girlfriend to wake me by breathing loudly (it was the only way, I couldn’t yell and I couldn’t move) I discovered that the cold air being blown on me was the damn A/C vent was blowing right at me and my ex had rolled over and taken all the covers off me. One of the big things I’ve noticed on dealing with the majority of individuals is that people firmly, and often stubbornly believe things. Not because they need to, not because it makes sense, and certainly not because they’ve spent a great deal of time rationalizing why, but because, quite simply, they want to. When someone wants to believe something, you’re about as likely to convince them, even in the face of overwhelming evidence, that it doesn’t make sense to go on believing whatever it as, as you are to convince them to stop drawing breath. It’s practically a doomed enterprise.
You see, believing in things is wanted, because, well, in reality there’s no magic in life… unless you can find a certain wonderment or joy from simply meeting different people and learning new things. Otherwise, like I said, no magic. There’s no spirits walking around trying to wrong the bad things that they did or had happen to them in life. Psychics are just low-level con men that have convinced themselves that the bullshit they believe and sell to other people who believe is in any way something that is actually legitimate and not a series of loose-guesses, perception and deductions that they can wrap in flowery words and package to people. People who believe are sort of like a cult, because they all secretly doubt in some small way, and need to constantly get around people who believe and convince themselves that what they are saying makes a damn bit of sense. It’s all about the appeal of the fantastic, real con men know all about the fantastic and the amazing, that’s their bread and butter. How do you think famous con men like ‘Yellow Kid’ Wiel or Count Victor Lustig convinced people that they had machines that can duplicate money or that The French government has decided to sell the fucking Eiffel Tower? They both knew one thing, people want to believe. Those men they conned? They believed too, and look where believing in the fantastic got them.
Still, those that desperately want and need to believe in this tripe to make life seem more interesting because they are either boring people wanting some excitement, or even worse, they think they are proving that ghosts exist. Nothing pisses me off more than a bunch of assholes wandering around a dark house waving an EMF detector and a tape recorder around, saying every cold spot in a building, echoing fart noise, and electric current is a ghost. Why does it have to be done in the dark you may ask? Why can’t these ghosts manifest in normal lighting conditions… people claim to see ghosts when they are in the living room with the TV on, in the bathroom while they are doing their hair, etc. Why do these assholes need all the damn lights out, wouldn’t having the lights on make it easier to spot a fucking ‘ghost’ rampaging around screwing with the TV reception and trying to make haunted smoothies in the kitchen?
I’ll tell you why these blundering pseudo scientist idiots turn all the damn lights out for. To make this shit seem spookier, and 90% of the time they figure out it was just a lampshade, or a burp, or the cameraman tripping on a wire. They debunk almost all their own stuff, but the things they can’t explain right away? Ghosts people, ghosts. I also enjoy how they always have ‘scary’ music playing on these shows where people are looking for ghosts, I wonder how it’d go over in the ratings if they instead played what I hear when I see a bunch of fat ugly people wandering around a pitch black house with a tape recorder and a night-vision camera looking for ghosts to talk to them. Circus music. If you can’t prove something, it doesn’t mean whatever you make up to explain it is correct! Imagine a conversation like this one:
“Well sir, we’ve proven that ghost in that photo you took was an optical illusion caused by your own shadow, that noise in the basement was a leaking steam pipe, but there were some cold spots in the upstairs bedroom that we can’t explain.”
“So what does that mean?”
“Leprechauns sir, leprechauns are hiding gold in your house. Everyone knows that when you get a 6 on a EMF detector and a cold spot, that’s the teleportation signature of a leprechaun… or at least a really magically adept midget.”
“My god. You came up with that explanation without any concrete study to prove that leprechans exist or that they cause cold spots and EMF? It’s almost like you just go from theory to law without bothering to prove anything.”
Please, and then you have to deal with, among all these things, being called a ‘skeptic’ if you don’t believe this shit or dare argue with the imbeciles that do. Skeptic is a nice label too, it’s technically correct but at the same time, like all people who use labels to dismiss ideas they don’t like, it implies that you simply don’t believe or understand whatever bullshit theory the person calling you one is trying to sucker people into believing. Remember, as long as you don’t address the fact that all the years of ghost hunting and EMF detecting hasn’t been able to produce any concrete evidence to definitively prove that ghosts exist or even if the methods used to detect these ghosts they can’t seem to prove exist work at all. For all these failures know they are just proving that old houses retain thermal energy and that EMF detectors can find wiring, you know, things most people already fucking know, and no it doesn’t make the ghosts seem more real to intelligent people if you figured this out while bumping into walls and coping a feel on the token female of the group in the dark.
When I said you can’t convince someone not to believe something I meant it, but then there are the hopeless people who think that they can use the bullshit work of fake scientists and idiots with night vision cameras and spin it into a fantastic work that proves ghosts exist by bombarding you with individual examples of ‘real’ hauntings and ‘real’ stories. Websites that will make you question your beliefs and see the light, maybe even CHILL YOU TO THE MOTHERFUCKING CORE. That’s right, this website ‘ghost exist’ will fucking prove your damned skeptical face off, are you ready… for the storm? Check out the site description, ‘My Blog is 4 Unlimted downloads…. Hope u will get more stuffs frm my blog….’ hard-hitting stuff indeed. Then check out this ‘evidence’ and I think you will see… once and for all ‘ghost exist.’ Also, bet you ten bucks you can’t figure out who’s comments those are. Hard hitting proofs indeed, changed my life.
This delightful nugget of information was brought to you by: Dr. Repose: The site's wanna-be author, professional jerk, monster who's dead on the inside, and semi-proud owner. More from this author