Throughout my life, it had always been difficult for me to grasp what was so compelling about tabletop strategy and RPG games. I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around how fiddling with pencil and paper games and using your imagination would ever be preferable to an NES (or a NES, if you’re a retard and pronounce the console name “Ness”). And now that I’ve discovered Warhammer 40,000… well, I pretty much skipped all of it anyway, because the Dawn of War series is on the PC. Lulz.
Seriously, I never collected much of anything apart from Nintendo junk when I was under age 12, and from about 13 to 17, it was comic books. I never seemed to be able to geek out properly, not in the sense of enjoying something like tabletop games or D&D. I think the reason for that beyond their limitations in the area of graphics and sound, two big limitations when you’re a teenager, is that they were kind of boring.
That’s right, I said it. Dungeons and Dragons bored the hell out of me, as did every other copycat RPG where you rolled dice and talked a lot. No thanks, if I was going to be a loser, I was going to do it right and do it alone. It was in 2007, however, that I discovered that one of those copycats went on to become something amazing: Warhammer.
Similar to D&D in that Games Workshop’s Warhammer was pure swords and sorcery, I had never paid attention to the ads that I’ve undoubtedly seen between pages in the hundreds of gaming mags I read growing up. While I love fantasy and swords and that kind of shiz, it got old pretty fast, and I almost winced when I saw people getting a little TOO into dragons and wizards. You might say I didn’t comprehend geekiness.
All of that changed when a friend introduced me to Dawn of War. Now understand, Dawn of War is not pure fantasy. The elements come from Games Workshop’s incredibly popular Warhammer 40,000 line, the futuristic alternative to vanilla Warhammer (which for a fantasy setting is still pretty damn awesome). One of the things I tend to ask D&D fans is, where is the alternate D&D franchise, because I’ve never heard of it.
Anyway, so I started playing Dawn of War, and I’ve become a fan of the game series, the massive amounts of back story and lore, but mostly that which drew me back to keep playing – the weapons.
Never before have I seen the perfect mixture of swords and sorcery and technology that Dawn of War displays. It doesn’t stop there either; there are fundamental military elements: honor, valor, big fucking guns.. as well as demons, angels, and psychic abilities. People underestimate just how well the 40K universe combines each of these incredible staples of geekery without boiling over and becoming a hackneyed mess. Check this shit out:
"I devour lesser tanks"
The above is the Baneblade, one of the more obvious examples of military/technology in DoW, and though there are no soldiers standing next to her to give you an idea of the unit’s size, trust me.. any existing assault vehicle would spring an oil leak in awe of this beast. This is the 41st century we’re talking about.
The venerable Space Marine is a core player in the 40K franchise. Genetically augmented super-soldiers that fight for one reason: Because the Emperor says so.
One thing I appreciate about the Dawn of War games is that although you fight epic battles on earth and planets light years away, you never have to deal with the annoying feeling that this is some outer space mumbo jumbo. The most powerful of the Emperor’s ships, for example, are never seen, yet remain in orbit to respond to the requisitioning of troops and firepower and to occasionally perform the odd bombardment of the enemy from beyond the planet’s atmosphere (it’s great watching them all fly when the beam hits). Having grown up in the 80′s, I got tired of space crap too, and all the drama and silly little bullshit technical jargon that nobody understands. Star Trek: The Next Generation would be one example; even though they could destroy enormous battleships, they dressed like pansies and generally acted even worse. A regimental commissar of the Imperial Guard would whip them into shape… or more likely, shoot them in the head for running.
Commissars are the Imperium's extra incentive for holding the line. Translation: They'll kill you if you try to flee.
In addition to the Imperium of Man, there are lots of aliens and other non-human races to take control of in Dawn of War, not the least of which is the most obvious scourge of the future: Chaos. Representing every major evil in the universe (or that we know of at any rate), Chaos is comprised of demons, heretics, mutants, and probably furries. Definitely some sickos. One example is the cult of the followers of Nurgle, the plague god (shown below), who fells his enemies with rot, sickness, and decay. Fun fun!
Who's hungry??
If you haven’t gotten the idea by now, WH40K is violent, massive, and awesome. On to the games themselves -
Dawn of War
The original pc game, released in 2004, was a great introduction to the franchise for many who knew nothing about it beforehand. The campaign is very linear in story and only focuses on the Space Marines chapter known as the Blood Ravens, but it whet appetites enough for the following expansions to be huge hits. Characters from the Horus Heresy novel series were major characters in DoW, including Brother Captain Gabriel Angelos, whose in-game self is voiced by the same actor who portrayed Optimus Prime in the Transformers. We are also shown how brutal non-World of Warcraft Orkz can be.
Winter Assault
Winter Assault was the first expansion for Dawn of War, and it’s hell on wheels. I almost feel like I’d fare better in a war than I do in this game. Winter Assault allows the Imperial Guard (a division something like our US Army or National Guard) to take center stage this round, and seems to have a focal point of death before dishonor; though this theme is similar to the Space Marines’ way of life, WA reminds me more of a war film or documentary where death is inevitable. This is probably partially due to the battles taking place on the ice world Lorn V (shades of WWII), with sad trumpets making up much of the cut-scene score.
Dark Crusade
Said by many to be the best game in the series, Dark Crusade introduces two additional races, including the quasi-benevolent Tau Empire, grey skinned aliens who fight for “The Greater Good”, and the eerie though somewhat useless Necron, machines bent on eradicating all life. They look like the Terminator to me. DC is the first title in the DoW series to allow you to choose your race from the 7 or so available and play through conquering the planet Kronus whilst following their unique storyline. It makes for a more enjoyable experience when you are forced to fight the same battlegrounds for each new game started, regardless of race. And the Tau, at least, are a great addition to the various styles of play available. Fighting them isn’t as fun as being them, however, because the little shits like to stealth rape you while you sleep.
Soulstorm
Soulstorm took things back down a notch, though it is still a good game in its own right. The loading times, for whatever reason they occur, are incredibly annoying. Some say they have no problems loading the game, but I’m not one of them. Even so, SS starts anew with a new planet on which to wage war, but the leader characters are not as impressive as those in DC, and some of the new mechanics are tiresome, such as hopping between worlds. Soulstorm, to its major credit, however, introduces the Sisters of Battle, the (nearly) all-female counterpart to the Space Marines; determined, fearless, and zealous, they have units that will not cease to tear shit up, including an angelic warrior who pretty much can’t be killed, but uses faith points to resurrect after being gunned/slashed/bombed down, not to mention that this and all other races are now equipped with air combat units. A pretty sweet deal. The Dark Eldar, the second new race in SS, are a balanced team that have a lot of good, if complex, buildings and weaponry, though they may be just a little too “goth” for the tastes of some. I guess the Eldar being SPACE ELVES was not freaky enough, so these decided to wear leather and use whips and listen to Nine Inch Nails.
Perverts.
Dawn of War II has since been released, and some are disappointed with the new style of strategy that it represents, but if you want to play good, engrossing games that could turn you into a Warhammer geek if you’re not careful, you can pick up the entire first series for under 60 bucks, depending on where you shop. The Emperor demands it.
- Wells
This delightful nugget of information was brought to you by: 2nd in command, because it's all the power with less responsibility. Dispenser of verbal justice and handy with a game controller. More from this authorPopularity: 3% [?]
