Sometimes a combo product can be useful, like, say the swiss army knife.  Other times, combining two things together can only lead to great accident potential.  Factor in the chance that stupid people are going to buy said products and pretty soon you’re bound to get someone fucking hurt.

With that being said the device I’m talking about it very unassuming in it’s retarded design.  It’s a combination flashlight/mace can.

Well how can that be stupid you ask?

Simple, when say, your mother hands you hers and asks you to look in her house under the couches for something she dropped when you’re over and hands you a flashlight.  You think to yourself, hmm, well I don’t see anything with this flashlight.  Guess I’ll just turn it off!  That doesn’t sound so dangerous right?  Well how about when your mother fails to mention that the bottom half of the flashlight is actually a can of fucking MACE and that button isn’t the off switch but rather the mace dispenser?  Yeah, I got maced today.

It was super pleasant, see, I had the hole where it comes out of angled just right so that when I pressed it…. it shot right up my fucking nose.  Now, I’ve never been maced before so I didn’t know how much it truly sucked.  It felt like someone had taken concentrated habenro extract and poured it right inside my sinus cavities.  The burning was so intense that I felt like a black man at a Klan rally in the 30s.  Seriously, it burned so bad and the best part was I inhaled some of it into my lungs causing me to go into a fitful coughing spree all the while sneezing constantly from the delicious peppery goodness burning inside my nose like I just snorted the contents of an active volcano.

I don’t know who designed this damn flashlight, but they must have hated humanity.  I’ve seen other combo/mace flashlights but most of them didn’t think to make it so integrated you couldn’t tell the difference.  What good would those two be anyway?  Oh gee the power’s out, let me get the flashlight and turn it — AHHHH MY FUCKING EYES!!!! Crash bang boom, assorted household objects and personal injuries sustained.   Just brilliant.

… and my nose still burns.


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