» The Warden

I heard it through the Comic Vine

The Warden — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 08:29:06 +0000

That's why I found it both depressing and hilarious to note how the members of Comic Vine take a collective steaming wee wee on the entire roster of potentially awesome characters by reducing them to what they can do in a fight, because apparently that's all comic book mainstays are suited for. It's like arguing with my friends back in grade school about which video game system was better. Hence, comic book fans can be really fucking stupid. Just take a look at one of the main draws of Comic Vine - the ability to vote on randomly generated fights between superheroes, supervillains, Vegeta, and God. You know, I swear I've seen this before somewhere. Hmmm. Oh that's right... Kittenwar.com [...]

Gamespot’s Greatest Game Villains and Other Stupid Popularity Contests.

The Warden — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 19:26:15 +0000

A while back, Gamespot.com began a tier-based, vote-fueled, completely fraudulent and utterly retarded popularity contest called "All Time Greatest Game Villain" that would result in much whining and disappointment, this article included. However, as someone who grew up with nearly all of the characters involved, I feel it is a right and a duty of mine, in all the power my geeky childhood gives me to do so, to further mock what has already become a mini monument of fail. Let's take a look at how the contest worked [...]

Digital Nightmares Vol. 4

The Warden — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 01:25:32 +0000

You know, if someone had told me, long long ago, that there were quite so many shitty video games in the world, I might not have bothered collecitng them. Nonetheless, I still have a small hoard of 8 and 16 bit cartridges lying around from when I was younger, taking up space and, from a purely entertainment viewpoint, not aging all that well. Case in point, the fresher generation of angsty consumers has to wonder what the fuck we were thinking to spend money on garbage that can now be reproduced and improved upon by a teenager armed with a copy of Flash and a case of Red Bull and no life to speak of. As I play more NES roms, I realize how stupidly simple his task is. [...]

Chris Baker is: STAB-PROOF! (not really)

The Warden — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 16:26:50 +0000

Newsflash: In an interesting turn of events, humanity discovered on April 17th of this year that we shouldn't stab people because it can kill them! While perusing the headlines this morning, this story caught my eye. A man has appeared in court to deny the manslaughter of his teenage friend who was knifed while trying on a stab-proof vest. [...]

ATTN: UR CITE HZ BEN HACKED BY BEARS ON COCAINE!!!!!!

The Warden — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:39:54 +0000

bears bears bears [...]

Guild Wars 2 set to reinvent MMORPGS.

The Warden — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 07:39:23 +0000

Pioneered primarily by EverQuest way back in 1999, the MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) market skyrocketed to unprecedented heights of popularity with the release and gradual fine-tuning of World of Warcraft, but after many years of WoW’s design system dominating the genre… well, the ‘tried and true’ has become the ‘been there, done that’. [...]

Grind Wars – Secrets of Korean Game Developers Revealed!

The Warden — Sun, 02 May 2010 12:52:39 +0000

It would appear that as a result of NP’s frequently submitted video game-related articles, the site has drawn the attention of gamers around the world, to which we say “Big deal”, but even we were shocked recently to be contacted by a man decked out in stylish fashions who may or may not have claimed to [...]

Evony – or How to trick morons into playing your game with gratutious T&A

The Warden — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 01:31:03 +0000

So if you’ve been on the internet for more than 60 minutes, you’ve already witnessed what are arguably the most hilariously exploitative, dishonest, and just plain bad “free online game” advertisements in history. IN HISTORY. I dare you to find something more pitiful and repugnant than the misleading boobs-a-poppin’ flash/banner ads for Evony, a game that’s [...]

Digital Nightmares – HACK EDITION

The Warden — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 07:35:53 +0000

Digital Nightmares is back with a special edition that our 5 readers will just go nuts over! Now while the 'Nightmares' in Digital Nightmares has, in the past, consistently stood for outrageous difficulty regardless of the quality of gameplay, Hack Edition widens the playing field; the following games are nightmares because of the near-sacrilege it was to have created them in the first place. They are hacks, the definition in this case being: ROMS that have been cosmetically altered to present different characters and/or themes than originally intended. With that out of the way, let's dip into what I found. [...]

The Episode where I rip someone a new asshole.

The Warden — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 07:12:29 +0000

The personal life of the Warden is fraught with excitement, explosions, and madness, but also brimming with friendship, love and hooters. Once in a while, though, some dopey punching bag tries to mess with this delicate blend of awesomeness and inevitably faces my heady wrath. I say! The story of one such bag begins when I [...]