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Mr. Repose
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I heard it through the Comic Vine

Apart from a few graphic novels and essentially noncanonical works of comic-related fiction (ie: films like the Dark Knight), it’s been nearly a decade and a half since I’ve bothered to invest much attention in the comic book world or its ridiculous, bloodthirsty fandom.  Nevertheless, the inevitable references to established characters of the genre occasionally make their way into other hobbies of mine, and into Google query results even when I’m not looking for them.  It’s precisely that concept that led me to write this article.

It’s not a big secret that I’m not so much a fan of comic books themselves as I am a keen observer of some of the interesting characters that have been introduced in their pages; with possible exception to books like The Tick, I find little value in just picking up a comic book to read if it’s part of a longer-running, convoluted storyline that I’m going to be neither interested in hunting down nor willing to part with the money for, to find out what happens next.  Many of my favorite comic book moments as a kid were one shot issues with more edgy yet generally simple artwork without the superfluous inclusion of chains and shitty anatomy (hi Todd McFarlane!), because more often than not, these stories had more personality than the standard spandex wearing superzeroes could provide.

That’s why I found it both depressing and hilarious to note how the members of Comic Vine take a collective steaming wee wee on the entire roster of potentially awesome characters by reducing them to what they can do in a fight, because apparently that’s all comic book mainstays are suited for.  It’s like arguing with my friends back in grade school about which video game system was better.  Hence, comic book fans can be really fucking stupid.  Just take a look at one of the main draws of Comic Vine – the ability to vote on randomly generated fights between superheroes, supervillains, Vegeta, and God.  You know, I swear I’ve seen this before somewhere.  Hmmm.  Oh that’s right…

Kittenwar.com

Aw geez, I always feel bad voting on one kitty over another one, they’re all so snuggly wuggly!  Comic book fans of today apparently feel the same confliction when they see Superman vs. pretty much anyone.  And if you thought I was joking when I said Vegeta and God, just click the Powers link at the top of the page, and prepare for incoming douchebaggery of the highest order.  According to this scientific device, the Lich King’s powers of necromancy are greater than those of Alice Cooper, but not enough to best Rob Zombie.  Wow.

That’s not the best part though;

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Creating Realistic Monsters

Conceptually creating a convincing villain is actually terribly difficult if you want to do it right.   When you consider, foremost,  coming up with a strong enough motive to possibly justify said villain’s behavior.   Which, is not entirely the most difficult part of the process, but it’s close.   The most popular justification is the ‘one bad day’ scenario.    As is the case of many comic book heroes and villains, is that quite a few had one.   One moment in their lives that was so awful and terrible it bent and twisted them, one way or the other, into acts of extreme depravity or heroism.   Just a few examples.    Spiderman decided to use his powers to be a hero for good when his Uncle is gunned down in the streets after he (Spiderman) had a fight with him.   The Punisher is another great example.   Retired delta force officer, takes his wife and kids for a stroll in the park, and they all get gunned down in front of him, caught in some mobster’s crossfire.  Batman, for example, he too has one bad day, seeing his parents killed in front of him by a mugger.   These moments fundamentally change their lives, sending them off to be heroes.   The mentality being of course, that they cannot allow what happened to them to happen to anyone else.    Though, I feel I must clarify that I don’t technically view the Punisher as a hero per say, he just kills criminals.   I cannot really fault him for just killing them rather than simply capturing them and allowing them to get loose over and over again.   Which, is a fault of the character of Batman, who only seems to contain the damage his villains cause rather than put an end to it for good.   It’s arguable as to who’s methods are more effective, but not exactly the point of this entry.

The villains also have a similar origin pattern, often simply being a mirror version of their nemesis.   In this way, it makes their reason for fighting each other almost a co-dependent relationship.  The hero needs the villain to satisfy his urge to save the day and protect villain, and the villain needs the hero to give them something to fight against.    A great example of this would be Alan Moore’s The Killing Joke, which depicts the Joker’s origins as similar to Batman’s.   One bad day is all it took, and his world was destroyed and he went insane, in a different way.   Or as The Joker himself comments in the comic, “You had a bad day once, am I right?… Why else would you dress up like a flying rat?”  In this intricate dynamic your villain and hero cannot really carry a story on their own and therefore the story becomes co-dependent on this element to always be present.   The villain acting and the hero reacting.

But that’s just the comics, but do not mistake that sentiment for me being dismissive, as I still actively read graphic novels.   Not so much the typical superhero fare anymore.  The problem as I see it with the ‘one bad day’ scenario is that it’s too clean, too easy to justify or explain.  It’s not realistic or, honestly, very believable.  Villains are not just the result of one terrible tragic moment, some villains are born twisted.   Some are slowly, and gradually, driven towards the inevitable event horizon of their own person mental apocalypses.  Some just make a string of increasingly amoral decisions based on morality or greed or patriotism until they have become crooked on the inside.  The real world equivalent of super villains, people like Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and (to a lesser extent maybe) Osama Bin Ladin.   People like that aren’t just born from having their parents killed in front of them or their village tragically burnt to the ground.   They are also proof of one statement that I have heard, but cannot remember the source exactly, so allow me to paraphrase: “No villain written could be as bad as history’s worst.”   Which, I semi-agree with.   Who could match orchestrating the deaths of millions of people to a comic villain pouring some fear inducing powder into a cities water supply?  The problem I have always felt with villains I have seen in some stories is that they don’t feel realistic.

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Who Watches the Watchmen Who Watch The Watchmen’s Watchers?

So, in spite of Metacritic’s hate, and indeed most critic’s apparent displeasure (ie.  hate) of the new Watchmen movie I decided to see it.  Mostly because I think critics are idiots who gleefully lap up whatever they are paid to like and prop up boring and pretentious movies (No Country for Old Men springs to mind) as well as write reviews that literally mean nothing.  It’s like all critics go to a special school where they are taught ways to fluff reviews with sentences that are so generic they could be applied to anything.   Take some of these reviews for ‘Watchmen’ for example…

“The movie is ultimately undone by its own reverence; there’s simply no room for these characters and stories to breathe of their own accord, and even the most fastidiously replicated scenes can feel glib and truncated.”

Translation from Critic to English: The movie isn’t good because it followed the script of the source, and therefore felt contrived.

That brilliant quote was brought to you by Justin Chang of Variety, and managed to both condemn the film and at the same time say absolutely nothing that anyone but he will understand.   ‘Undone by its own reverence’?   ‘There’s no room for the characters to breathe of their own accord’?  What does that even mean?  Does this dumb asshole even know what he’s saying?   That paragraph could be applied to any movie that’s adapted from a book, or say, graphic novel.   Basically, instead of saying his point in a way that made sense to anyone, he instead chose to try and make it sound poignant and deep, which of course ends up backfiring.  Still more critical brilliance lingers on the horizon…

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Consider This

Facts are ventriloquists’ dummies. Sitting on a wise man’s knee they may be made to utter words of wisdom; elsewhere, they say nothing, or talk nonsense, or indulge in sheer diabolism. — Aldous Huxley, “Bruno Rontini” in Time Must Have A Stop (1944)