Apart from a few graphic novels and essentially noncanonical works of comic-related fiction (ie: films like the Dark Knight), it’s been nearly a decade and a half since I’ve bothered to invest much attention in the comic book world or its ridiculous, bloodthirsty fandom. Nevertheless, the inevitable references to established characters of the genre occasionally make their way into other hobbies of mine, and into Google query results even when I’m not looking for them. It’s precisely that concept that led me to write this article.
It’s not a big secret that I’m not so much a fan of comic books themselves as I am a keen observer of some of the interesting characters that have been introduced in their pages; with possible exception to books like The Tick, I find little value in just picking up a comic book to read if it’s part of a longer-running, convoluted storyline that I’m going to be neither interested in hunting down nor willing to part with the money for, to find out what happens next. Many of my favorite comic book moments as a kid were one shot issues with more edgy yet generally simple artwork without the superfluous inclusion of chains and shitty anatomy (hi Todd McFarlane!), because more often than not, these stories had more personality than the standard spandex wearing superzeroes could provide.
That’s why I found it both depressing and hilarious to note how the members of Comic Vine take a collective steaming wee wee on the entire roster of potentially awesome characters by reducing them to what they can do in a fight, because apparently that’s all comic book mainstays are suited for. It’s like arguing with my friends back in grade school about which video game system was better. Hence, comic book fans can be really fucking stupid. Just take a look at one of the main draws of Comic Vine – the ability to vote on randomly generated fights between superheroes, supervillains, Vegeta, and God. You know, I swear I’ve seen this before somewhere. Hmmm. Oh that’s right…
Aw geez, I always feel bad voting on one kitty over another one, they’re all so snuggly wuggly! Comic book fans of today apparently feel the same confliction when they see Superman vs. pretty much anyone. And if you thought I was joking when I said Vegeta and God, just click the Powers link at the top of the page, and prepare for incoming douchebaggery of the highest order. According to this scientific device, the Lich King’s powers of necromancy are greater than those of Alice Cooper, but not enough to best Rob Zombie. Wow.
That’s not the best part though;
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