» Movies

The Attack of Cockasaurus Rex aka Bruno.

Mr. Repose — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 04:09:50 +0000

It was the most wang-filled movie I've seen since Summer Bukkake Blast 8: It's Raining Mangurt. Good lord there was a lot of wang in this fucking movie. Even more than The Watchmen with it's constant threats of seeing yet another glowing blue Dr. Manhattan member (or members). Now I'm not one to be grotesquely horrified whenever I see a penis in a movie, or in general. Lord knows if that were the case I'd have already set my computer on fire after seeing some of the underlying horrors lurking within theseinternets. The thing was that I was expecting something entirely different from what I got. [...]

Ghost Rider or Why Nicky Cage hates America

Kiki — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:28:43 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen, this review is not for the faint of heart. If you are pregnant have a weak heart please close the browser now.

For those of you who a) have seen this movie and b) are still with me… you are either extremely sick s.o.b.’s OR [...]

Silent Hill (movie review)

The Warden — Sat, 30 May 2009 10:25:17 +0000

Not to be confused with the video game of the same title, Silent Hill, released in theatres in 2006, is what I like to think of as a horror movie done right. It typically doesn’t descend into anything cheesy and the film is plot-oriented as opposed to character-oriented, whereby the script spends so much time focusing [...]

Darkman

The Warden — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 08:12:05 +0000

Apart from the disastrous, stupid waste of shit that is Spider-Man 3, Darkman director Sam Raimi has had a decent run with movies like Darkman, Evil Dead 2, and the first two Spider-Man films, which were enjoyable because they weren't as convoluted and ugly as the 2nd sequel starring Spidey, about 10 different villains and an emo campfire sing-a-long retard-fest. Darkman itself would fit somewhere between the styles used in the 1989 Batman starring Michael Keaton and 2008's Dark Knight - gritty and deadly with no punches pulled in regards to violence, but still somewhat light, its sights not set on realism, but craft. The dark and somber plot is evened out by classic superhero trademarks; secret identities, science things, and explodey pew pew ratatata.. [...]

Who Watches the Watchmen Who Watch The Watchmen’s Watchers?

Mr. Repose — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:59:03 +0000

So, in spite of Metacritic's hate, and indeed most critic's apparent displeasure (ie. hate) of the new Watchmen movie I decided to see it. Mostly because I think critics are idiots who gleefully lap up whatever they are paid to like and prop up boring and pretentious movies (No Country for Old Men springs to mind) as well as write reviews that literally mean nothing. It's like all critics go to a special school where they are taught ways to fluff reviews with sentences that are so generic they could be applied to anything. Take some of these reviews for 'Watchmen' for example... [...]

Real men don’t sparkle.

The Warden — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 11:37:07 +0000

Like Harry Potter before it, yet somehow even more nauseating and obnoxious, the vampire romance novels and films referred to collectively as "Twilight" have taken obsessive, retarded fandom to a whole new, psychotic level. Let's break it down. [...]

The Spirit – Or How to Waste Your Time and Money

Mr. Repose — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 05:26:33 +0000

My city, I can not deny her. My city screams. She is my mother. She is my lover, and I am her Spirit. She is my lover, my city provides for me. It keeps me safe. It makes tender love to my naughty bits my city does. It is like a passionate lover [...]