So if you’ve been on the internet for more than 60 minutes, you’ve already witnessed what are arguably the most hilariously exploitative, dishonest, and just plain bad “free online game” advertisements in history.  IN HISTORY.  I dare you to find something more pitiful and repugnant than the misleading boobs-a-poppin’ flash/banner ads for Evony, a game that’s making its money off of horny retards and fans of the Civilization games who may or may not know that they’re playing a clone of it……. and that, despite the promises of Evony’s snake oil peddling advert department, is completely lacking in anything racy or even slightly arousing, or even slightly original.

Like most people, I saw the ads and laughed them off in hopes they would go away, but at first glance it’s pretty difficult not to notice a chasm of massive, yawning cleavage threatening to claim your last iota of attention as you’re checking your email.

Don't fall in.

Don’t worry though, Evony’s degrading ad campaign wasn’t just the willy nilly scheming of a random mail room scamp, it took a lot of effort to photoshop girls from low budget pornos into these things.  True story; at least one ad had images ripped directly from the cover of “Girls Playing with Girls 102″ (thanks to John Kershaw of Negative Gamer for this highly amusing and disgraceful information):

Great job, Evony.  You have lured countless stupid people to a boring game by pandering to their most primal of desires.  It’s not like no accomplished this lazy tactic with some success in the past, but a lot of that happened in the 90′s and the games were actually kind of fun.  This game is a portal to your wallet guarded by a chick in her underwear.

That’s right, not only are there no hot bods in Evony (previously named Civony – the Civilization Ripoff), but they practically harass you into paying for in-game premiums and advantages over the other bored retards, using real cash.  So I have to laugh at people who spend hundreds of dollars on something they didn’t even want to begin with, all because of their genitals and their inability to log off once they’ve gone through the arduous task of making a name and password for yet another site.

Congratulations, internet.  You’ve outdone yourself.

- Wells