» Humor

Digital Nightmares Vol. 4

The Warden — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 01:25:32 +0000

You know, if someone had told me, long long ago, that there were quite so many shitty video games in the world, I might not have bothered collecitng them. Nonetheless, I still have a small hoard of 8 and 16 bit cartridges lying around from when I was younger, taking up space and, from a purely entertainment viewpoint, not aging all that well. Case in point, the fresher generation of angsty consumers has to wonder what the fuck we were thinking to spend money on garbage that can now be reproduced and improved upon by a teenager armed with a copy of Flash and a case of Red Bull and no life to speak of. As I play more NES roms, I realize how stupidly simple his task is. [...]

A Hell-Ride in the Trust Me Car

Mr. Repose — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:03:32 +0000

So the towing company was en route, but then Dmitri was complaining about feeling sick... so of course Alfonso feels the need to turn on my TV and start watching Jackass the movie. Then of course he started descibing what was going on while watching it. For example, “Dude, this so gross, they are snorting worms and pulling them out their throats.” Which is smart to do when you have a sick drunk man near you, so of course, Dmitri then proceeded to puke up tomato soup and beer all over the front of his shirt, he was too drunk to clean himself up so while Alfonso laughed like a manic, I had to take a wet towel and clean off a drunken red-eyed Dmitri. [...]

Hot Tub Waste-of-Time Machine

Mr. Repose — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:51:46 +0000

By this point we had an old man, two dads, me, my brothers, and two of their retarded stoner buddies just trying to get this thing inside the damn house. While they argued I went inside around the back door, and using my tool set I simply unscrewed the door arm and removed it. All the while explaining to one of the dads how dumb of an idea this is, while he drank a beer and laughed as I tried to unscrew the damned thing while they were pushing a hot tub into it repeatedly. Which, I'm sure to an outside observer was probably pretty comical looking. Me crouched, trying to unscrew it while a hot tub bumps into me every five seconds nearly knocking me over all the while yelling at them to stop pushing like idiots and wait five minutes. [...]

Sharks With Lasers on Their Heads

Mr. Repose — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 10:32:53 +0000

THE SEAS WILL BE A CRIMSON FLOOD OF BLOOD AND RED HOT LASER [...]

Bangoria Tour Guide – The BEARMASTER

Mr. Repose — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:27:20 +0000

The BEARMASTER skates into battle, on roller blades forged in the darkest mountain and infused with the blood of two liches, a red dragon, and a werebear. The skates, as he rolls across the land, leave a perpetual bloody streak on the ground, to signify that the BEARMASTER has been there. His weapons are two bears, that are attached to whips. The bears are named Cuddles and Fuzzywuzzy. In battle the BEARMASTER skates doing flips and turns while wiping his mighty whip bears into foes, causing them to suffer an instant mauling. [...]

Grind Wars – Secrets of Korean Game Developers Revealed!

The Warden — Sun, 02 May 2010 12:52:39 +0000

It would appear that as a result of NP’s frequently submitted video game-related articles, the site has drawn the attention of gamers around the world, to which we say “Big deal”, but even we were shocked recently to be contacted by a man decked out in stylish fashions who may or may not have claimed to [...]

Hey, why do webcomics suck so much?

The Warden — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:33:51 +0000

It’s a fair question, isn’t it? While it’s true that many of these “authors” are not being paid for their work, and even the ones who are become uncannily lazy in the alluring bask of fame, that’s just no excuse to publish shitty content to your audience simply because you know they have no better expectations [...]

Vibram FiveFingers KSO – Footwear for your favorite idiot.

The Warden — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:58:31 +0000

Now I was introduced to the following link, which I knew was going to be gold the moment I was asked "Ok, how gay is this?", by one such friend. I prepared with a strange mix of glee and trepidation for the treasure trove yet to be unveiled when Firefox finally decided to give in load it up. I was not disappointed. Feast your eyes on the Vibram brand Fivefingers KSO for men: http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/products_KSO_m.cfm [...]

There’s a Cuddle Party, and YOU’RE invited!

The Warden — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:35:11 +0000

If you've ever wondered where furries hang out when they're not dressed up in ridiculous costumes buggering each other in a dark closet.. first of all, get your head checked, then read the rest of this article, because this might be one possible answer to that disturbing question. Say hello to my new favorite website - www.cuddleparty.com [...]

Spam Catalog: A Swirling Vortex of Fail

Mr. Repose — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 04:31:21 +0000

When I first registered to Blog Catalog, I did so at the behest of The Warden. Somehow, I was under the mistaken impression that it was a good site to 'get noticed' on. I was only half right, as it's a good place to get noticed by Habeeb and Hadji's spam emporium, good luck finding a breathing and intelligent human being in this seething pit of stupidity. I don't know who moderates this site, but whoever it is must be the most downs syndrome infested retard to ever walk the face of the earth. Holy shit, I have never seen so many viagra blogs, recycled content blogs, crappy online storefront blogs, 'blogging tips' blogs and 'make money online' blogs in my entire life. This site barely encourages 'networking', it's a lot easier to just add every spammer who makes a friend request and leaves a stupid comment on your 'shout box' than to try and pick and choose. If you're looking for actual humans and not whoever is surfing the web looking to promote his Viagra blog while working from his local Sprint call center in New Delhi, then you, my friend, are fucked. [...]