Failed Article Ideas: Fast-Food Suicide

08 Jun 2014

Believe it or not, even during the tremendous lulls of this site where there were no updates there were plenty of ideas and half-written articles.  Sorting thought my archives I came across one that stood out as a truly, truly, terrible idea.  This was originally designed to be an article series, in some way, attempting to illustrate how terrible fast food is for you to eat, especially on a consistent basis.  This, of course, is a relatively pointless message to try to convey.  You’d have to be an idiot to think eating any of that crap is actually a good idea.  There’s more studies and information about the dangers of fast, cheap, and processed foods out there that anything that I would do or say would only come off as either redundant or preachy.

That’s actually only part of the reason.  The idea was, to ‘review’ each new fast food sandwich or product that came out and describe in detail the after-effects of consuming said product would be.  The name of this article series, because I thought after eating some of these sandwiches that it was a real possibility I was going to die, was ‘Fast Food Suicide.’  Now, I’m not a paragon of health and fitness, but I don’t normally eat a lot of fast food.  My general tendency is to cook my own meals at home, and in general I don’t eat a lot of extremely fatty or salty foods.  I don’t even have cheese or breads that often.  This is actually the perfect storm for fast food to come in and thoroughly wreak havoc on my guts.  Thus there were some pros and cons to consider in such a writing endeavor.

Pros:

– Could be humorous.

– Could serve as a warning.

– Could deter sales of certain fast-food products.

Cons:

– I’d have to actually eat this crap.

– In addition I’d have to actually pay money to eat this crap.

– The after-effects are not always super unpleasant, but when they are… oh buddy.

– Do people really want to know in great detail that the triple baconator nearly made me die in the bathroom?

In the end, I did try four new fast food products.  Below are the actual reviews I wrote up for three of them.  The fourth I tried was that double-chicken sandwich that KFC made, but I never wrote a review for it.  Forgive me for anything that is written beyond this point, and may god have mercy on my soul.

Click to continue reading “Failed Article Ideas: Fast-Food Suicide”
Go straight to Post

Read More

The Occupy Movement’s Goal – The Largest National Mace Demo Ever

27 Apr 2014

Remember back a couple of years ago when thousands of people decided to march on Wall Street and protest … something?  Well unsurprisingly the actual demand or point of the protest itself is still up in the air.  It wasn’t just Wall Street, even our fair city of Orlando had an occupy movement as well.  Which, sort of ambled about in a couple of local parks near the Bank of America building downtown.  All that seemed to do was draw the ire of local law enforcement and virtually no major reaction from the community.  The real party it seemed was over in places like NYC and Berkley where it degenerated quite rapidly into a virtual smorgasbord of police violence.  I mean you had so many options to choose from, getting punched, beaten with knight sticks, and my personal favorite mace to the face.  For any reason really.  Even sitting still, fuck you have some mace.  Predictably one of the most famous cases of which, by the way, led to the charges against the police officer being dropped even though there’s video evidence of him just walking along macing everyone in his path with little to no rhyme or reason.

The Orlando Occupy movement, after the national tolerance for the whole affair seemed to wane on it’s facebook page degenerated into the typical collage-hipster dabbling into the whimsical world of communism.  Going so far as to quote people like Mao and Stalin, who were, as we all know, paragons of morality and righteousness.  Both, having a collective body count that actually beats Hitler’s best estimates almost ten times over.  When I think of men to inspire me to greatness, lord knows that’s my first choice every time.  Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t think that the occupy movement was a bunch of collage communists who got what they deserved.  The problem was trying to start a non-movement movement to begin with.  The issue with Occupy Wall Street was that it’s greatest strength in the opinion of the people involved was also it’s greatest weakness.  You can’t expect people to rally behind a cause when you advertise the real reason for your cause as some vague and esoteric mystery that you are either clued into or are not.  As hinted in the movement’s ‘official’ poster:

What in the fuck.

Try and explain how this poster makes sense, is inspirational, or in any way helps define a major social movement.  Go ahead, I dare you.

Click to continue reading “The Occupy Movement’s Goal – The Largest National Mace Demo Ever”
Go straight to Post

Read More

Open-Closed Diary

18 Apr 2014

I’m really on the ball lately.  I went over to Opendiary.com to check in on someone, and … website not found.  After a quick search on google for what the issue could be, I found out that about three months ago the site had shut down for good.  Which, to me, kinda sucks.  You see, for a while I’d been wanting to get back into writing non-serious and semi-personal stuff on a regular basis so I was considering, after a near 12 year absence of going back to to my roots and keeping a blog there once again.  Since, well, it’s kind of where I got the idea in my head to be a writer in the first place.  Since I’ve been in somewhat of a slump, I thought it might do some good.

Then a thought occurred to me.  In the entire time I posted there I think that I did everything in my power not  to talk about myself at all.  I’d talk about politics, conspiracy theories copy-pasted from TOTSE (a big conspiracy BBS website that has since gone the way of the dodo much like this article’s namesake), post random humor, etc.  All to avoid talking about what pretty much everyone else talked about on the site, their actual lives and feelings.  In a way I was sort of a wanna-be guru and emotional voyeur, because I didn’t really understand emotions and mundane day-to-day experiences or at least insofar that I could articulate my own in a way I felt anyone would actually care to read them.  Frankly, the whole persona I projected was one big fat lie.  An act, if you will.

During that time, I think I was utterly incapable of being any different.  My goal in coming back was to get in contact with all the people I used to talk to and read that I could, and this time, try to relate to them and more so, be honest about myself and actually convey my real personality.  Well, at least that was the plan.  As now the site is kaput, plans change.  After debating with myself a little over what to do and waxing philosophical about the change in circumstances this will have to do.  To all the people that I’ve known from the Opendiary, inthewire, thewirecutters, and places in-between on the interwebs:  thank you for supporting me and for reminding me many times over the years that my self-defeating pretenses I use sometimes to justify being a hermit are plaintively false.  This goes double for Jeen and I hope you’re still out there.  I’ve always been terrible about keeping in touch but times change and I’m determined to make the effort to no longer isolate myself.

Part of this effort is that from now on I will update this website, once a week with the usual wide range of content.

So this is goodbye to the opendiary internet saga that I was embroiled with for so many years, there’s no going back to then anymore or making up for mistakes.  So be it.  This will be the last time I bring this stuff up.  Consider the subject closed.  Time to move on.

 

Go straight to Post

Adaptive, Not Artifical.

29 May 2013

I’ve been working on a segment in the rough draft of Monolithic Horizon that deals with Artificial Intelligences.   A.I. tends to show up in virtually every genre of science fiction, but I was thinking slightly beyond that, what about an A.I. that isn’t built with specific limits, something that grows and learns without any end in sight.  An endlessly self-writing A.I. that is programmed specifically without any limits.  When examining any technology there is always room for improvement and expansion.  I believe that true A.I. is not just likely, it’s inevitable. I also believe that it is only the beginning.  In Monolithic Horizon, I wanted to explore what the next stage would be like, so here’s a rough version on the back story of the unnamed Adaptive Intelligence the Commission dubbed ‘Blackout.’

Click to continue reading “Adaptive, Not Artifical.”
Go straight to Post

Read More

Where the hell have I been?

07 Oct 2012

I honestly couldn’t tell you.

A few nights ago I was standing in my kitchen, in my underwear, eating a Hot Pocket… going through a mental catalog of my life up to this point.   The last thing I accomplished, ever, that I can recall was when passed my black belt ceremony for Tea Kwon Do, all those years ago.  Since then, I’ve never bothered or tried to see anything through.  My life at this point, is pretty well… dismal.  I’m 30, I’m broke all the time, and frankly I had about all I could take of it.  I haven’t felt like I was worth anything at all in so long that I had all but given up.  For the past 10 years of my life I have done absolutely nothing, and I don’t say that to get pity or even a thought of ‘oh that’s not true!’  I say it because it’s the truth.  I know myself, I know what I’ve been doing and I have NOT been trying.  I’ve been floating along hoping that things would just magically ‘work out’ and waiting for a sign or something to get motivated.

I wanted to feel that … high I got from actually getting that belt.  I was so proud of myself, because it was so hard for me to do.  The training and all the times the instructors yelled at me and all the bumps but they always believed I could do something with my life.  They believed in me, just like a lot of my friends, and acquaintances over the years have, but the one person who didn’t was the one person who actually counted.  Me.  I have done a very good job over the years convincing myself that I wasn’t that good, that I wasn’t that smart, and that I would never be able to do anything big again.

For the past 10 years, I’ve wanted more than anything to write a book.

For the past 7 years the book has been in this perpetual re-write limbo where I throw out everything and start over.

For the past 5 years I’ve done nothing at all with it but sit around.

I want to finish something again, I want to do it so bad and for the first time in a long time I’ve managed to identify the source of my problem.  Distractions.  I always get wrapped up in a game or website or project of some sort that’s supposedly more fun than the ‘work’ of writing.  Where has that gotten me?  I’ll tell you.

Standing alone, in my crappy apartment, at 1 am eating a god damn hot pocket in my underwear.

I just… can’t do this anymore.  I’m motivated to finish this god damn book once and for all.  I’ve begun the process of re-compiling all my written material, all the re-writes, all the extra and miscellaneous notes and bits.  I’ve discovered an easy way to publish and distribute this book, and I am setting for myself an artificial deadline for the first draft.  December 25th.  I can’t think of a better Christmas gift to myself than to get the book sent off for it’s first ever editing.

Go straight to Post

Honest Goodbye

13 Jul 2011

A couple of weeks ago, my grandfather died. Which has brought not a fullsade of sorrow, tears, and grief as one would expect given the apocalyptic overtones of mortality manifesting itself in one’s life. What it has done to me, is make me think about the ramifications of his life and how it’s been like a specter lingering always over the lives of the family long before his demise. Meaning that, he’s almost always been in the background silently overseeing and moving events in the lives of my family for years. With him gone, nothing feels the same in those households, and they never will again given the unique position of the family hierarchy which was extremely dependent on him to handle everything.

He had to deal with a wife who was becoming increasingly aloof and difficult as she grew older, two adult children who’s marriages ended and forced a semi financial co-dependance on him, and four grand children. One dangerously close to an alcoholic, one with some serious anger and stress issues, one who gave him a great great grandchild, and one who did nothing but fight him tooth and nail for years over everything and anything. Guess which one I was.

All of us, at some point, needed him to get through some tough times, and in spite of the fact that it cost him his retirement to take in our family when my father ran out, he did what he could do to ensure we made it. It may not have been a perfect relationship, and we may not have agreed at times, but I never hated him. The man was selfless, and was the closest thing to a father I’ve had in my adult life. My mother would not have been able to survive taking care of four kids on her own after my father ran out on us when I was twelve, opening old wounds for me because of my adoption and the obvious subtext that implies. She was incapable of normal work due to severe arthritis, so my grandfather helped her get a place for me and my brothers.

Click to continue reading “Honest Goodbye”
Go straight to Post

Read More

A Prize 6 Years in the Making

14 May 2011

So my Guild Wars character hit 6 years old tonight, or whenever, I haven’t logged in with any regularity for some time as I wait for the painfully awesome looking Guild Wars 2 to suck the teet of my free time like a hungry mutant baby with seven mouths, exactly seven.  Every year they give us a miniature ‘pet’ on your character’s birthday.  Which is kind of cool, I guess, it’s one of those useless aesthetic trinkets given out, mostly I think to appease the fanboys… and I fucking need them okay?  I need the little bastards because they added this update that basically transfers items and titles to you in Guild Wars 2.   You get ‘points’ from doing various things in the game, and over the course of six years, bear in mind this is not from six years of CONSECUTIVE play. I have taken a few rather long breaks.  I’m at forty-six of fifty points.  Fifty is the maximum.  I don’t know if you can ‘beat’ a game like Guild Wars per say, just because you hit fifty points doesn’t mean you’re done playing.

For me it fucking does.

I have played this game to the point where it feels almost like a chore now.  Maybe it’s my fault for being OCD about completing the titles.  Maybe it’s my fault for being unable to live with a unfilled meter just begging to be maxed out, but you know what?  I could have lived with it if my relentless title grinding could just end.  I know, I know I don’t have to grind for titles.  Okay?  I know, but I’m sick.  I’m compelled to finish after coming so far, and god help me I can’t seem to stop till I’m at fifty points.  I need eight more mini pets, which means either playing the waiting game or simply buying them from players.  This may seem like a simple task, but in game like Guild Wars with no market system in place, that means standing around in town listlessly staring at pink colored text, okay ‘salmon’ colored text, scroll by while you desperately wait for someone to pick you out of the textual clusterfuck and  finally release you from the tedious hell that you are trapped in.

For the sixth year characters the wizards at Arena Net decided to give us not minis, but everlasting tonics that transform you (as many times as you want, oh boy!) into a random hero/npc from the game.  Which is great because you can turn forever into a lame ass hero character instead of playing as your cool-looking stylized character.  Why play as Serra Demer, slayer of everything in the game, literally, when I can play as a wacky hero sidekick like Acolyte Sosuke or, in my case, a bald man in a dress Kahmu?  A useless ass dervish hero that honestly I could never imagine using in a party for any reason. Ever.  Seriously, I play a game for six years, bust my ass for stupid titles and get rewarded with a tonic that turns me into a cross-dressing bald retard with all the personality of a block of balsa wood.

“Oh Boy!  You can look like me whenever you want now! Happy Birthday motherfucker!  Ahahaha”

I swear to whatever gods will listen, if I could I would get a bottle, slap a label on it that said ‘6th Year Birthday Tonic’ and put a big fat turd in it then mail it to the Arena Net corporate offices to express my fanboy angst in it’s starkest terms.

Go straight to Post

Random Quote

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

— Buddha
WordPress Loves AJAX