I’m really on the ball lately. I went over to Opendiary.com to check in on someone, and … website not found. After a quick search on google for what the issue could be, I found out that about three months ago the site had shut down for good. Which, to me, kinda sucks. You see, for a while I’d been wanting to get back into writing non-serious and semi-personal stuff on a regular basis so I was considering, after a near 12 year absence of going back to to my roots and keeping a blog there once again. Since, well, it’s kind of where I got the idea in my head to be a writer in the first place. Since I’ve been in somewhat of a slump, I thought it might do some good.
Then a thought occurred to me. In the entire time I posted there I think that I did everything in my power not to talk about myself at all. I’d talk about politics, conspiracy theories copy-pasted from TOTSE (a big conspiracy BBS website that has since gone the way of the dodo much like this article’s namesake), post random humor, etc. All to avoid talking about what pretty much everyone else talked about on the site, their actual lives and feelings. In a way I was sort of a wanna-be guru and emotional voyeur, because I didn’t really understand emotions and mundane day-to-day experiences or at least insofar that I could articulate my own in a way I felt anyone would actually care to read them. Frankly, the whole persona I projected was one big fat lie. An act, if you will.
During that time, I think I was utterly incapable of being any different. My goal in coming back was to get in contact with all the people I used to talk to and read that I could, and this time, try to relate to them and more so, be honest about myself and actually convey my real personality. Well, at least that was the plan. As now the site is kaput, plans change. After debating with myself a little over what to do and waxing philosophical about the change in circumstances this will have to do. To all the people that I’ve known from the Opendiary, inthewire, thewirecutters, and places in-between on the interwebs: thank you for supporting me and for reminding me many times over the years that my self-defeating pretenses I use sometimes to justify being a hermit are plaintively false. This goes double for Jeen and I hope you’re still out there. I’ve always been terrible about keeping in touch but times change and I’m determined to make the effort to no longer isolate myself.
Part of this effort is that from now on I will update this website, once a week with the usual wide range of content.
So this is goodbye to the opendiary internet saga that I was embroiled with for so many years, there’s no going back to then anymore or making up for mistakes. So be it. This will be the last time I bring this stuff up. Consider the subject closed. Time to move on.