Linguistic Mystics

Mr. Repose
The Warden

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The Library of Discontent

Dreams of the Future

Picture a skyline, and it goes on for as long as possible till it’s cut off by the edge of the horizon.   Even at that distance you can see great buildings and towers rising up like giants to worship the rising sun.   The buildings, the skyline, is not pristine and beautiful.   It’s dirty and grimy, and in that sky you can see bridges, little specks of life moving about, cables hanging, things moving.   Platforms and odd-looking vehicles.   Signs everywhere, a suspended sea of architecture and neon extending for what seems and feels like forever.

The future is not something I view with much hope in terms of progress.  When I see the future I imagine in some cases a mere continuation of all the crap and garbage we have to put up with now only on a larger scale.  Sci-fi authors, in the 40s and 50s seemed to have some sort of uptopian delusion wherein they pictured the future full of chrome and high-technology complete with self-cleaning houses and flying Cadillacs.  My grandfather used to ground me a lot when I lived with him and as a result the only things I could spend time with were old sci-fi and western novels.   Believe me, when I tell you he had a lot of them.   Apparently he’d buy whatever the public library would be phasing out of their book stock at the little store they had for a huge discount.  Most of these books were not classics by any means, don’t get me wrong some well-known works were in my Grandfather’s library.  H.G. Well’s War of the Worlds. Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451. Some various works of Issac Asimov.  Tons of Louis L’amour westerns, which, from what my grandfather says, is basically the most accurate western fare you can find.  The rest was all stuff with corny titles and features such as hilarious cover art depicting some dude with a mullet on mars holding a ray gun with a fawning space-babe on his shoulder.

So you can imagine me, grounded for something stupid, curled up in a ball in the back bedroom reading nothing but old dreams of the future day after day during most of the year.   A lot of these books were from the 40s through 80s.   Almost nothing current but I made due.   When reading these books some were surprisingly good, some were utterly forgettable.   The future was a shining place, filled with high technology and adventure.   When I was older this stuff could be real.   I could leave earth and go into the space fleet, scour new territories, explore the stars.   As time went on and I kept reading westerns as well.   I began to see romantic parallels between cowboys and space explorers.   Rough and tumble types always using thier meager resources and thier wits to save the day and get the girl.  

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My Favorite Words are ‘Good-Bye.’

Over the course of my being alive, both online and off, circumstances have adapted me to an inclination to finding detachment preferable to prolonged interactions and relationships.   There was a book on AD/HD I read that stated this would be the case, but I find it somewhat disconcerting that most of my personality can be attributed to symptoms of some psychological disease.  It is as though, rather than having my fate pre-determined by a god or religion, my genetics have damned me to a life of aloofness and detachment.  It is bearing this in mind that I have endeavored to try and fight this nature of mine, and the results have been interesting.

The main thing I have noticed is that fighting one’s nature is a losing battle.   The symptoms to me, read somewhat like a road map to my life.  Each symptom reflecting a bad decision or a moment I regret.  The thing is, as I’ve come to accept over the past couple of years, is that there is no cure or fix to this problem.   Most AD/HD medications don’t work long-term, therapy is just an expensive coping mechanism, and trying to curtail the behavior only works to a point.   What I’ve done instead is to stop myself before I do/say anything and ask myself if that’s what I should be doing.   It’s hard to overcome that desire to just do things without compulsion or reason.

AD/HD to me, is kind of like having several radio stations bleed together as one in your head.   Whereas a normal person would hear a single station, clear and crisp, in my mind everything comes in at once and it’s so hard to focus on one.  You notice every little thing around yourself as though your mind is constantly looking for distractions.   Even while I try to sit and concentrate on typing this sentence, just this sentence I’m not even going to mention the rest of this post, I’ve been temped to play with my cat who’s on top of the monitor, make food even though I’m not hungry, browse a book on the mob that’s on my desk, and call someone on the phone.   It’s a never-ending struggle to keep myself on a single train of thought.

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Jam Box

Consider This

Capitalism leads to dole queues, the scramble for markets, and war. Collectivism leads to concentration camps, leader worship, and war. There is no way out of this unless a planned economy can somehow be combined with the freedom of the intellect, which can only happen if the concept of right and wrong is restored to politics. — George Orwell, The Observer (1944-04-09)