I think I’ve mentioned that I work in the ghetto. If I haven’t well, now I have. I work in the ghetto. Not even the loose definition of ghetto. This is a full-fledged prostitute filled, mostly minority (black and Hispanic people – or as the local mechanics oh-so-cleverly call them – ‘spooks n’ spics’) populated, drug dealer market, hobo infested, wasteland of humanity. However, of all these nefarious elements which you find in the delicious cornucopia of human life known as downtown Orlando, there is one that I especially fear for their sheer number, smell, and lack of an education. I refer, of course, to the hobos. If you were thinking that I was talking about those damn ‘spooks n’ spics,’ congratulations… you’re racist!
The hobos, yes. I hate hobos. They are thicker than fleas in the glorious city of Orlando. A city, it should be noted, that’s board of tourism refers to as ‘the city beautiful,’ which is such a distortion of the truth that I’m surprised that more people haven’t sued them for false advertising. I have a fairly good reason for hating hobos, aside from the fact that they lie about being hobos. You know what I mean if you’d ever been approached by one. Some smelly dude with a scruffy beard and no teeth will come up to you with some convoluted story about how his family needs bus fare back to where-the-fuck-ever or that they need a few bucks to rent a cab to get to the airport. Like anyone believes them. Nothing worse than needing money for booze and cheep bum hookers but to always try the ‘bus fare’ story, poor form Orlando homeless, poor form. That’s not the reason for my hate of the homeless local to this area. I’m sure there are some nice homeless guys, full for worldly wisdom and perfectly sane, in fantasy land; however, over here you get the best inner-city bums Orlando has to offer. The ones that will walk down lanes of traffic at red-lights banging on your car’s window and yelling insults at you if you don’t give them change, or the ones, that have made me hate the homeless in Orlando…. the ones that shit on your building.
You heard me, shitting on the building.