Other equally good titles for this article could have been:
Craig’s List Hot Tub (And Other Bad Ideas)
Build Your Own Home Mosquito Nest
Like Hammer Onto Big Toe
Creeping Mold in the Carpets and Other Tales of Horror
They were not chosen due to the fact that they only cover one aspect of this spiral of fail that could only have been achieved through a combination of gross incompetence, stupidity, testosterone, and stubborn defiance which has become increasingly obvious to be par for the course when dealing with my brothers.
So, this spiral staircase into Hell begins at a familiar destination, Craig’s List. Part online trading post and part hooker solicitation service Craigs List is home to (mostly) defective and useless junk that other people attempt to sell to suckers for a quick buck. With that in mind, in walks my brothers deciding to purchase a hot tub to go into my mother’s condo. Of course a discount hot tub that they haven’t even planned the logistics of how the fuck to even get it inside of the house could be nothing but an amazing idea. So the younger of the two brothers of mine shows up at the house one day with a hot tub in the bed of his hitch trailer (in true alcoholic conservative fashion he runs a lawn care business), several of his retarded ‘friends’ (people that hang out with him so they can smoke his weed), and absolutely no plan whatsoever.
There are many layers to this onion of failure, but I think it would be wise to reveal them in the same order I figured them out, for maximum comedy. I’d like to preface the following by saying that from the start I thought this hot tub thing was a terrible idea. A local radio guy I listen to recently had purchased a hot tub on, you guessed it, craig’s list and it was defective to say the least. I think I even told my brothers his tale of woe, but being young and with that ‘whatever I do what I want’ attitude they basically ignored me. Allow me to also state, and I say this with as little arrogance as possible, that usually when I think something is a bad idea (especially when it’s a plan or idea of my family’s) it usually turns out to be even worse than I imagine it to be.