Ladies and Gentlemen, this review is not for the faint of heart. If you are pregnant have a weak heart please close the browser now.

For those of you who a) have seen this movie and b) are still with me… you are either extremely sick s.o.b.’s OR you were made a victim like I was. Ghost Rider came out in 2007 when I was just a young girl of 21 without a care in the world. My boyfriend and I were so young and full of life… before Ghost Rider. That movie took everything that was good and fair in the world and raped it. RAPED IT I SAY. Now, it is hard to talk about but I think I need to warn the people about this six way circle jerk called a movie. When they rolled the credits I thought “Oh ok well Sam Elliot never disappointed me before… he was in The Big Lebowski for chrissakes! It couldn’t be that bad…right?”

Oh, 21 year old Kiki you were wrong! Because even though it had Sam Elliot in it, it also had Nicolas “Kicks Puppies at Night” Cage and that is something that no genuine actor could help. Ever. When my boyfriend suggested we go see Ghost Rider, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Kind of like when you know something terrible is about to happen to you but you’re too weak to stop it. That was what it was like when I agreed to see this abomination.

Originally I wasn’t going to go into the plot but now I see there is no way around it, avoiding it would just enrage me more. So here we go. Ghost Rider is about a stunt motorcyclist named Johnny Blaze who in order to save his father’s life he trades the devil (WHO IS PLAYED BY A FONDA… WTF PETER… but hold that thought for moment) his soul for the life of his father.

Actually no. I can’t do it. I’m not going to put you through what I suffered. INSTEAD I give you the dance stylings of Lola Perazzo!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCW9Wqa3i-0