In my previous article I stated that the homeless would not fuck with me again. Right now I am sad to report that those words were a tad bit premature. Now I know how Bush felt when he addressed the US a few months into the Iraq War with a giant ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner in the background; that, by the way, he totally knew nothing about. You see, I failed to listen to the sage advice of many famous tacticians from the past. That advice was, simply, don’t pick fights with people who have nothing to lose because there is nothing to be gained from fighting them and no way to make them stop. The homeless, apparently, couldn’t care less if you stink up their little hobo carts and they don’t seem to mind too badly if you throw them out. They’ll just find another cart to steal and fill with random junk and garbage, and bring it back. Frustrating, kind of like a mongrel dog you just want to go away, so you pitch a stick and the ugly thing just keeps bringing it back no matter how many times you throw it into traffic.
So, it seems that I have underestimated my homeless foes, and that they have decided to strike back by forming a grand hobo armada in the back of the building. As I write this, there are probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 15-20 homeless people living in the lot behind they building. They have gloriously erected a testament to the times which I lovingly refer to as ‘Hobo City’ or as one of my co-workers called it ‘Bum Fest 09.’ Hobocity is a wondrous place, where the denizens can enjoy all the perks of their downtown location, stinky old blankets adorn the fences of the lot to mark their turf, they have plentiful stolen lawn chairs on which to sit all day and contemplate things like cannibalism and optimal change harvesting locations, a nice building to use as a bathroom, and they proudly send hobo war parties out to collect change and food as well as cash registers. You heard me. Cash registers. This homeless army has got ridiculous. I thought it was bad when I first wrote about it but holy shit it’s turning into a regular sitcom. So get this, a couple of days ago several of the hobos from hobocity wandered to a business that is literally 50 feet from the lot they are staying in, shoved their way through lines of waiting customers, and fucking grabbed the cash register and walked out like they owned the fucking thing!