Linguistic Mystics

Mr. Repose
The Warden

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The Library of Discontent

Killing Literature, One Fang at a Time

I know, I know, the title for this post is awfully dramatic.   I know that it’s a bold claim to make that now, officially, literature is dead, dying, or a fucking zombie shambling around the countryside as a hollow shell of it’s former self.   Many people would disagree, but that’s only because not everyone has seen the utter horse shit on sale at the bookstore that I did.   I want you to sit back, dear reader, and allow the following image to wash over.   Relax, empty your mind and focus ahead only at this text and the preceding image.   Behold:

... and reailty BITES!  Get it?   NYUCK NYUCK

Now, if the first thought in your head is ‘wow that looks like it could be pretty cool,’ I want you to do me a favor.   Take your hand, ball it into a fist, and punch yourself right in the face.  Besides my gut instinct to burst into a fit of mad laughter, there are several things gazing upon this majestic piece of surly Shakespearean art does for me.

First, it disturbs me, deeply.   If you notice the top of the image states ‘New York Times Bestselling Author,’  a title, which means nothing anymore anyway.   Lets face it, every shitty self-help book and half assed novel is apparently a ‘best seller.’  Just because people read it doesn’t mean it’s good.   I mean the Ghost Rider movie made money, but it still sucked so much dick it practically imploded on itself sucking Nick Cage’s carrier further into an event horizon of complete epic failure.   Basically the ‘New York Times Bestseller’ tag on a book just tells you that it’s popular amoung the same populace that thinks Micheal Bay is a good director, Adam Sandler is funny, and voted to elect George W. Bush president … TWICE.

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Real men don’t sparkle.

Like Harry Potter before it, yet somehow even more nauseating and obnoxious, the vampire romance novels and films referred to collectively as “Twilight” have taken obsessive, retarded fandom to a whole new, psychotic level.  Let’s break it down.

The Twilight series is the (in)famous creation of a woman named Stephenie Meyer, who makes even J K Rowling’s pap seem more tolerable by comparison.  Meyers’ Mormon beliefs evidently run thick through every soporific page filled with vampires falling in love, dealing with teenage conflict, and playing vampire baseball.  That’s right, unlike Mormons, these vampires can go out in public during the day.  That’s about all they seem capable of doing.  But who cares about the story?  It seems the majority of all fans seem to be image conscious teenage girls, so to wonder if there is any compelling content is pretty pointless.  They’re vampire romance novels.

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Jam Box

Consider This

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine. — Bruce Lee