A while back, Gamespot.com began a tier-based, vote-fueled, completely fraudulent and utterly retarded popularity contest called “All Time Greatest Game Villain” that would result in much whining and disappointment, this article included. However, as someone who grew up with nearly all of the characters involved, I feel it is a right and a duty of mine, in all the power my geeky childhood gives me to do so, to further mock what has already become a mini monument of fail. Let’s take a look at how the contest worked:
Obviously, every villain on the list appeared during week 1. The obvious losers were quickly shuffled off the stage, making way for more epic battles in week 2. Things were already looking bad, however, when threads began appearing on 4chan with suggestions on who to vote for/against, links provided. An event that, on sites like IGN for example, would have been a typical “List” that readers could either take or leave depending on whether they agreed with the handful of editors behind the project (GLaDOS was the #1 villain there, fyi), the Gamespot version was given the worst odds of a pleasant outcome by putting the voting power into the hands of members, lurkers, and trolls.
The main issue I had with the content was that it included several characters that, for all intents and purposes, earned their fame.. or infamy as the case may be, well outside of the video game industry. The Joker. Darth Vader. Even Dracula, though the latter starred in an original game series for over 20 years and not just the bi-products of major franchises wanking into a hat to keep interest in their characters alive.
This would not have been a problem, save for the fact that there are a lot of Darth Vader fanboys out there who for reasons of insanity or possible head trauma, refuse to believe that the Sith lord could be battered senseless by an enemy as simple as Ganondorf because hey, he’s in Star Wars and the bigger your death star, the more fanfictions you win by default. Any character that had the wherewithal to rip Vader’s clunky-ass suit from his charred old man body would sooner pity him than stomp on his face. I draw the line at the Pac Man ghosts though; persistent, yes, but overwhelming psychic power to rival the Force is not their strong suit.
Likewise with the Joker, even moreso in fact… I mean, just think about the Joker meeting the Lich King or Bowser in a dark alley. For all his craftiness against the coppers, the only reason he’s even alive is because Batman refuses to kill him. Bowser weighs about ten thousand pounds and breathes fire and oh yeah, he’s a fucking fire breathing monster. Did I mention that? Because he is. I’d like to see a witty quip get you out of the burn unit.
So as super duper cool as Vader and the Joker happen to be, they didn’t belong on the list, because obviously they would go on to dominate it unfairly, and are not game specific characters, despite the sum total of games they’ve actually been in. Anyone who disagrees is a fuckhead. Moving on…
Click to continue reading “Gamespot’s Greatest Game Villains and Other Stupid Popularity Contests.”
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